I am looking for traditional prayers that would be suitable for my situation. We have a six year old son, my beloved Zachary. Since we had him we have had four miscarriages. I have had all the tests and there is nothing physically wrong with me. As I make my body stronger right now in preparation for my next attempt at pregnancy, I would like to strengthen my spirit as well during this regenerative down-time.

I have moved beyond the grief (it is now just a part of me, encapsulated in a way) and look forward to our next child. I would like any prayers to give me comfort and strength and protection as I begin to open the door to this possibility. Please also note that at this time we are also considering beginning the adoption home study process so that eventually our home will be full of children like we desire. Thank you, J., San Diego

(first part of answer from Chana, second part from Rabbi Sperling)

from Chana Weisberg:

Dear J.- I was moved to tears by your letter. To go through the hope and exhilaration of the beginning of pregnancy and then to face the tragedy of miscarriage must be simply devastating. It also moves me that I am in Jerusalem and you are in California, and that I can reach out across the world to give you a bit of help.

I have just translated a traditional Yiddish prayer (techina) for a woman who wants to conceive. I hope that you will find it helpful:

A Prayer to be granted Children (from the book Shaarei Dima)

May it be your will, my L-rd, and the L-rd of my ancestors, the Rock of the universe, the Righteous of all the generations, for the sake of your great and hidden name, which comes out of the verse, "G-d bless our memory, Bless the house of Israel, bless the house of Ahron," that you grant me desirable, and worthy, good, and beautiful, complete and acceptable offspring- suitable to live and exist without any wrongdoing or transgression.

Please grant me offspring, and bless me with your Name, and bless my house with your memory, so I may know that there is peace in my dwelling. And influence the child with a spirit, being, and soul hewn from purity, and prepare it in order to complete the child, and establish him/her, constructed with grace, kindness, and mercy- in health, with strength and vitality and bravery. And be merciful on the child in creating it, in constructing him/her, in dressing him/her, in the child's being, in spirit, in life, and in soul.

And in not one of the child's limbs will there be any harm or lacking, no sickness or illness, and nothing will be lacking all the days of his/her life. May the child be born under a good sign, at a good hour, with blessing and success, and may the child live a good, long, and peaceful life in spirituality and physicality, with wealth, happiness, and honor, among the people of Israel. Please bless me, and my offspring, and the offspring of my offspring with every thing that will complete our knowlege, our intelligence, and our achievements in order that we may do Your will. And bless me with the blessings from Heaven and from the underground springs that crawl underneath, blessings of the breasts and womb.

Please, L-rd of Hosts, the L-rd of Israel, Who sits upon the Cherubs! May Your ears listen attentively to the sound of my pleading. Look down on me from your holy residence with a look of goodness, and give me children, influenced by a holy soul, who will occupy themselves with the Torah and the commandments. And from the blessings of your mouth, bless me, and bless the house of your maidservant with all of the Jewish people forever.

Hear my prayer, G-d, and lend your ear to my pleading, and fulfill through me the ultimate purpose of the human race, because you formed and created us in order to settle the world, so give me holy and pure offspring, with a new soul, holy and pure, from the world to come, clinging to the souls of the ascended holy people. May you, the souls of the righteous from this world, please bring G-d's face towards me to fulfill my request for the good, in your merit and in the merit of my desire to have a child who will be quick and industrious in Your Torah, who will be suitable for prophecy. Hear my prayers, and don't turn me away from You empty-handed, and fulfill my requests for the good, and I will raise the child to fear G-d all of the days of his/her life, the child and its offspring among the Jewish people, Amen.

I think you will also find the letter for the couple who are trying to conceive very helpful. Click here to see it.

Wishing you and your family so much blessing and happiness (please keep in touch, if you find the time, to tell me how everything works out)- Chana

(From Rabbi Sperling)

Shalom, I was very pained to hear of your constant suffering in your efforts to have children.

In connection with adoption I cannot stress enough what a big mitzvah such an act is. The Talmud states that one can fulfill the directive in Psalms 106 "Happy is the keeper of the commandments, who does charity at every moment, by bringing up orphans in their house" (Ketubot 50a) Also, see Talmud Sanhedrin 19b where it is stated that all people who raise orphans in their house, it is as if they themselves gave birth to them.

This would apply not only to orphans, but to any child who needs an adoptive household (see the previously mentioned Talmud reference which makes this clear). This is a mitzvah whether one adopts a Jewish or a non-Jewish child- though there exists a bigger obligation to adopt a Jewish child in need first. Because of this, one should turn firstly to the Jewish social welfare services. But, as I said, ultimately it is a mitzvah to adopt any child.

If a non-Jewish child is adopted, then the usual practice is to convert the child as a baby/minor. This is done on the principle that one can bestow a benefit on a minor without their intelligent consent (which can only be arrived at after bar/bat mitzvah age). This being so, rabbinic courts are only willing to convert minors if they will be raised in accordance with Jewish law, so as to be sure that the conversion is a benefit to the child, and not a stumbling block that obligates them in laws that they have no intention of fulfilling. I'm not sure of your religious level, but it would be worthwhile to speak to a rabbi before you adopt in order to clarify this point, and save much pain later.

There are two other points which relate to Jewish legal questions:

An adoptive child is not halachically related to the adoptive parents, therefore the laws of negiah (physical touching between the sexes) and yichud (seclusion with the opposite sex) apply between the adopted child and the parents/siblings of the other sex. This problem is not insurmountable and there are opinions that are lenient depending on the age of adoption [see responsa Tzitz Eliezer vol.6 p. 226-28]. But again, it is something to be aware of before adoption.

I would be more than happy to go into more details with you if you would be interested.

May you be blessed with a house filled with joy and holiness!

Rabbi David Sperling

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