My Lag Ba'Omer Baby!

 

Shavuot is coming up at the end of this week, and tomorrow the world's newest Weisberg- Ma'ayan Zohar Liebe- will be three weeks old. At this moment she is nursing, and I am wondering whether I'll be able to type out my whole miraculous birth story using only my right index finger? But I've got to get this story out to the world! I feel like G-d made me have this experience so that I could tell all of you about it.

Maayan Zohar Liebe with adoring sister, Hallel (and Mommy) in our Jerusalem home

Let me just fill you in on my birthing history so you can understand where I was coming from before the birth. I'd given birth twice before- and both times it sort of felt like I had skipped right over the labor- the part where the books tell you to keep on folding laundry, making sandwiches for your kids, taking a bath, and then waking up your husband in the middle of night to tell him that the big moment has arrived. Both times I fast-forwarded from weak contractions right to the most intense panicky part of labor right before the pushing.

The first birth the midwife gave me pitocin when my contractions stopped after an hour in the hospital, and two hours later, after freakishly difficult contractions (and a much-needed epidural) I gave birth. The next time my water broke at home, and only an hour later, after more freakishly difficult contractions, and a sense of feeling totally abandoned, alone, and helpless (it was too late to get the epidural I had planned for the whole pregnancy) I gave birth.

This time around, I assumed the epidural thing was not going to work out, and the whole pregnancy I just prayed that I would merit to give birth in a hospital- and not in the taxi or in the bathtub at home. I was really scared, worried about how I would deal with the pain and the panic of blood-curdling contractions.

And then my friend Aniam gave me an incredible tape called "Spiritual Preparation for the Birth" (click to see a summary). The teacher on the tape, Nurit Glazer, who is a Lubavitcher Chassid, says that most women see birth as a terribly awful experience that they want to get through as quickly as possible (this woman was reading my mind!) But, she explains, women who do this are missing the greatest opportunity in their whole lives to connect with her Creator. Wow! That really got to me. Where do I sign up to get brainwashed by this lady?

So I listened to the tape over and over, until she convinced me, and in the end, changed how I thought about birth. All of my friends and acquaintances have been asking me how the birth was- and to almost everyone I just say, "It was easier than the first two times, but birth is always hard"- but I want to tell all of you what really happened. How having Maayan was probably the most profound religious experience I have ever had.

I started getting painful contractions on Friday night. I stayed up the whole night, packing sandwiches for my husband, Joshua, and my Rebbetzin/labor coach, Emuna Witt. During the contractions I recited the verse from Psalms that Rabbi Ginsburgh recommends "Yishlach Ezracha miKodesh u'Mitsion Yisadecha" [G-d will send help for you from a Holy place, and from Zion will assist you.] When I said it I concentrated on G-d helping me through the labor. Then I fell asleep and woke up without contractions. Oy!

Sunday morning- more contractions. These were getting really painful. The old verse was not working any longer, so I switched to, "Ki Karov Alecha Hadavar Meod b'ficha u'b'lvavcha la'asoto" [The thing is very close to you, in your mouth and in your heart to do it]. Even though the simple reading of the verse does not mean this, I concentrated on the verse as though it meant that G-d was making the birth happen, that He is intimately involved in every aspect of the birth.

That morning my husband stayed home from work (this must be getting serious), and I called Emuna to tell her that we're going to the hospital. Or maybe not. I lie down, and the contractions stop. Oy! (I keep my husband home, though...just in case. And anyway, how often do I get to hang out with the love of my life on a kidless, bird-chirping, spring-shining morning? We even went to buy hot chocolate and chocolate croissants for a picnic in the park.)

Monday morning I wake up again with contractions. I go to my weekly parenting class, and hope that no one will notice me breathing through my contractions- this is getting harder. The old verses stopped working, and I asked Aniam and Yikrat what to do. They told me to concentrate on spelling out G-d's name. During each contraction I would say to myself "Yud Hay Vuv Hay"- which are the letters that spell out the name of G-d that we pronounce "Adonay" in prayer. I was amazed that it was actually working. When I said this name, I didn't feel the pain. Amazing!

I went home, and my husband was going to go pick up Hadas from nursery school- when I screamed, "Don't leave me!" I started crying and felt very afraid until he started to give me these killer hard back massages during each contraction, that actually made the pain bearable along with concentrating on G-d's name (I also took two extra strength tylenols and washed them down with a glass of wine, which meant I was totally stoned and happy for a nice while. ps- please ask your doctor before trying this one at home.)

Then Emuna came, and Josh and I stopped worrying. She's been through twelve births herself, and many more births of her grandchildren- so we were sure that if she was there, everything would be all right (translation: we learned this birth that a labor coach/experienced woman friend can change birth from a scary panicky experience to a calmer and happier one).

When I got to the hospital I was six centimeters dilated. After a while the contractions were even stronger. I couldn't concentrate on G-d's name any longer- and during each contraction I would say to myself "Hashem, You are the midwife! You are birthing this baby." Three hours after I got to the hospital I gave birth- no epidural, no pethidine.

I feel like G-d got me through the hardest thing I have ever been through. Thank you, G-d. And thanks to all of you for listening.